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Old 01-08-2003, 10:05 AM
BigRedButton BigRedButton is offline
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Default Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

Note - This is intended as satire, and not to be taken too seriously (unless your mixes really stink).

Step 1. Load up your recent session and pour yourself a tall frosty brew.

Step 2. Set all faders to 0db and EQs to the flat position. Take a sip of your beer before bringing up the faders on the drum tracks.

Step 3. By the time your drums are at a nice “rough mix” stage your beer glass should be well emptied.

Step 4. Before starting on the bass track, pour another beer and have a shot of good tequila on stand by. I highly recommend a nice anejo or plata from Sauza, Herradura, or Porfidio.

Step 5. After your rhythm track instruments are “playing nicely” together, and the EQs of the kick and bass guitars are happy, pour yourself the fourth shot of tequila, cause there’s no way you got to this point without at least two more shots.

Step 6. Once you’ve gotten used to the fact that your mixing room now spins, bring the faders up on your guitar tracks. At this point you should find that those guitar tracks you were POSITIVE would need major editing (because of their intonation and timing problems) have somehow managed to “correct themselves”.

Step 6. Set the empty bottle of tequila aside, tell Elvis to stop talking while you're mixing, and bring up the acoustic guitar and piano tracks. Make sure you’ve got no phase problems between the left and right monitors, and find out who put those other left and right monitors in your studio.

Step 6. At this point you should have depleted your supply of your quality micro-brews, and should be looking in the back of the fridge for your wife’s Miller Lite and Zima. Also be sure to grab that bottle of Melon Liqueur you were never quite sure what to do with, and head back towards the control room. You will most likely find that the hallway has somehow become warped beyond the point of being able walking straight through it.

Step 7. Now is the time to begin working on the vocal tracks. Since this is a project aimed at the radio market, be sure to erase all vocal tracks and overdub your best kazoo parts in their place.

Step 8. Demand that your assistant run to the nearest liquor store and pick up a bottle of Maker’s Mark. If your assistant stares blankly back at you, meows twice and cleans her face with her paw, fire her immediately and settle with the bottle of Melon Liqueur.

Step 9. Begin adding effects and start looking for your pants. Reverb, delay, and even the occasional use of pitch correction can be very effective and may be needed to mask the fact that every 30 seconds or so of the current track has been replaced by your finest rendition of “Danny Boy”.

Step 10. Invite your client over to listen to the first mix. Punch your client in the face; kiss his girlfriend squarely on one of her mouths, drink the water from your blue lava lamp and pass out in the corner near your sub woofer.

Outcome: A successful final mix just before the intervention and a “nice trip to a place out in the country”.
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  #2  
Old 01-08-2003, 10:12 AM
silence_of_stone silence_of_stone is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

very good [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]
you forgot the part about how bad the mix sounds in the morning!!!
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Old 01-08-2003, 10:58 AM
rascalmanny rascalmanny is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

wAit whut Thatt p aRt tWeen to n fur Agn?
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Old 01-08-2003, 11:06 AM
Calvin Calvin is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

It sounds like this method would definately improve my mixes. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
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Old 01-08-2003, 11:22 AM
phaseout phaseout is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

You just figured that out??? Geez, I've mixing like that sinse day one!
I find it help when tracking too. The vocals seem to slur right intop each other...
[img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
-drew
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Old 01-08-2003, 01:38 PM
BigRedButton BigRedButton is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

Wow! The editor of ProSoundWeb wants to post this "editorial"! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
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Old 01-08-2003, 06:17 PM
stut5 stut5 is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

Hey Big Red that's Copywrite infringement I wrote that book 20 years ago. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] I must admit I have been through many sessions that worked out just like that except the punch in the face I'd just wait until he passed out [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
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Old 01-08-2003, 07:29 PM
da BaSsTaRd! da BaSsTaRd! is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

i've been using your method for years but i always thought it was reserved for live shows... [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
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Old 01-08-2003, 07:32 PM
jodyjfk jodyjfk is offline
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Default Re: Jackson’s Guide to Better Mixing through “Mixing”

11. Collect your Grammy.
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