HAHAHAHAHAH. Sorry to laugh. (Not really.)
Gmail and google calendar work perfectly fine on iPhone, actually. 3GS is going for $49 right now w a 2 yr contract. Or you could probably find a used 3G or iPod Touch on some bidding or want-ad site for cheap enough to make it worth it. No contract or data plan needed then, since you'd be using it on a wi-fi network. You'd likely have less than $100 in it with hard- and software. Better yet, get a 1st gen iPad wi-fi only if you can swing $400 plus the app.