Joke of the Day

[Allen Hallada]

Feel free to contribute on a daily basis. The purpose is to keep things light in here and to stimulate the creativity of our inner artists.
Allen [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Allen Hallada]

A guy walks into a department store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. The store attendant says we have many different versions of Barbie available. We have High School Barbie for 19.95, we have College Barbie for 19.95, we have Married Barbie for 29.95, we have Pregnant Barbie for 39.95, and then we have Divorced Barbie for 2995.00. The guy is amazed at the price of the last Barbie and asks why it is so much more than the other Barbies. Oh says the attendant, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's House, Ken's car, Ken's money, and Ken's ProTools recording studio.

OUCH!

Allen [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Ultraslide]

What happened when the bass player locked his keys in his car ???
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He spent a 1/2 hour trying to get the drummer out. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

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How can you tell when a drum riser is level?
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Drool comes out both sides of the mouth [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

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What do you call a guitar player that just broke up with his girlfriend ?
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Homeless.
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More to come ...

the 'slide
[img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[jimll]

Math Problem

What makes 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100% ?

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L * * * *

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but ******** will put you over the top.

And look how far ass kissing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT BEFORE, HUH?

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edited for profanity, keep it clean
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[ March 13, 2003, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: Digidesign ]

[ecalcagnino]

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus, sets him up on the bar and says "I'll bet anyone in here $50 that my octopus can play any musical instrument you hand him."

One guy walks up with a guitar and says, "You're on." He lays his cash on the bar and hands over the guitar. The octopus proceeds to tune the strings and begins to play a wonderful classical rendition. Everyone's aghast! The guy collects his $50.

Next guy brings up a trumpet and lays his money on the bar. The octopus takes it, plays with the valves for a moment, and proceeds to play a wonderful jazz riff. The guy collects his money again.

The bartender leaves and comes back a few minutes later with a set of bagpipes and lays his $50 on the bar. The octopus picks it up, turns it around, looks at it some more, turns it over again to get a different perspective. After a few minutes of this the guy is getting impatient and asks, "What are you waiting for? Why don't you start playing it?"

The octopus looks over and says, "Play it? Hell I was trying to figure out how to get her pajamas off!"

[da BaSsTaRd!]

how many french soldiers does it take to defend paris?

who knows? its never been done before... [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

*** all in the spirit of good fun, mes amis ***

[powerjoe]

Celine Dione walks into a bar and bar tender says "hey, why the long face?".

Bah doomp boomp!!

[Nippamuk]

A certain guitar player from Memphis walks into the local employment office and says to the man at the desk, "Hi, I'm a musician, but I can't seem to make a go of it. I want to give it all up, and do something decent and productive with my life. I need a real job. Got anything for me?"
The man behind the counter looks at the musician thoughtfully for a moment, then turns to his computer. "Ah, here's something that may be just up your alley. You work in a recording studio, 4 hours a day, as an engineering consultant. Part of your duties would be to "interview" prospective young female clients. The job pays full benefits, and starts out at $100,000 a year. Are you interested?"
The musician stares wide-eyed at the man behind the counter. "Waaaaaaaaaait a minute," he says, "Yer bull****ing me!"
"Yeah, says the man behind the counter,"but you started it!" [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[soundsurfr]

Still laughing at the octopus joke....
[img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

[Stone Knife]

I like the profile info. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]